Author: Editor

NBN name to be changed to FUBAR.

The minister for communications or a reasonable facsimile thereof, Malcolm Turnbull, announced at a press conference today that the government will be changing the official name of the NBN. “With all the changes we have made to what was obviously a badly thought out and poorly researched system we have decided that to continue to keep calling it the NBN would be disingenuous,” said Mr Turnbull. “So in that vein we have changed the name from the National Broadband Network to the Future Utilisation of Broadband Accelerated Resources.” As an example of the technology now available the press conference...

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ABC to cut staff, programs and good ideas.

The ABC announced today that it would be cutting back on some services in an effort to find savings to cover the reduction in funding from the federal government. Some of the cost savings include: A reduction in hair care products for Leigh Sales, Emma Alberici and Tony Jones. Bananas in Pyjamas will be replaced by a single Avocado in a Muumuu. Q&A will be reduced to simply Q where questions may be asked but no answers given. CEO, Mark Scott will change his name by deed poll to “M”, this should save thousands of dollars in printing costs...

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Christopher Pyne wins Nobel Prize for Irony.

Christopher Pyne is the latest Australian to win a Nobel Prize. Judges awarded the prize to him after his herculean effort of supporting cuts to the ABC and then launching an online petition asking the ABC to not make any cuts that affected his electorate. “Mr Pyne is very happy with the award,” said one insider. “He has been trying since getting into office to have his efforts recognised, especially within his own portfolio of eduction. The effort with the ABC though just shows how talented he is when it comes to...

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Palmer and Lambie no longer BFF.

In what can only be described as a romantic tragedy Clive Palmer and Jacqui Lambie have both set their Facebook status to “It’s complicated”. “I guess they’re just growing apart,” said one mutual friend. “They don’t want the same things anymore.” But is there something else behind the rift? One observer has noticed something that might be the cause of the problem. “We’ve noticed that Lambie has been spending more time with Ricky Muir,” said the observer. “She’s always liked a more simplistic type and with Ricky’s love of cars and roo poo he strikes her as a real...

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New senate inquiry into senate inquiries.

A new senate inquiry has been announced to investigate senate inquiries. “There has been a definite increase in the amount of senate inquiries being held,” said one government insider. “We need to have an inquiry into these inquiries to make sure these inquiries are the sort of inquiries that other inquiries do not need to launch an inquiry into.” The new inquiry will include any senate members not already involved in a current senate inquiry. The Larrikin understands that will mean the inquiry will be run by Ricky Muir’s...

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